I found myself 

            standing in the wind today

     standing and pushing my body against the idea of falling

     against the thought of twisting 

    against the desire to move on 

        but

       I was standing 

           suddenly 

          and steadfast 

       in the spot where I’m sure 

      I’ll kiss you for the first time 

          You were on my phone

      a text   an emoji    a silly, moving image

    telling me that you were certain

        its hands/your hands

       tiny/small   but thick and lined with years of muscles  delicate caresses waiting to be rested against a fold in my cheek 

        waiting to trace the rivulet-curls 

       of my new beard 

   into the curve of my jaw

         onto the bulb of my ear’s lobe

      where you’ll pinch it gently 

      and guide the awe of my opening mouth 

      onto the wanting blush of your grinning 

      and so

        I stood      still 

       and took the biting wind 

       took the pressing hand of that force 

    took the whipping chill  

 took the harsh whistling  growling  bark

   took the pushing and twisting at my legs

 took the tugging away at my hat brim

     took that moment 

             before I had known you existed

   before there were snatches of thoughts

        and remembrances of your faces 

    and reasons to hide away the echo

          and fullness and temptation 

      of you laughing 

         I took that past me

      absent the coming moment of you

    absent the pulsing  racing  hoping 

          days without you or an emoji you 

        and watched them eclipsed 

 like useless    wasted sunny days of youth

    covered over

        by the chance of a day

     with you tugging 

       tugging    tugging 

          me 

   into the winds of change 

    

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Jas Mardis